Full Moon Party: an all-night beach party that goes on every month on the Thai island of Koh Pha Ngan.
A girl I had met at a guesthouse had taken a picture at the previous month’s party featuring a man vomiting into the ocean between a couple copulating on the beach on one side and somebody urinating on the other.
I had to be there.
There are parties leading up to the actual Full Moon Party every night. And they’re pretty wild—buckets of vodka, coke, and Thai Redbull (read: speed in a bottle), and music stations featuring techno, trance, a little bit of K’Naan, and a lot bit of tunes that take you back to Mitzvah season (both Bar and Bat).
At some point between YMCA and the ever-popular Macarena, Chloe befriended Harry, a gallant young gentleman from London. Which left me with Humphrey, Harry’s ungallant young friend from London.
Nah, Chloe. I’m not doing that. I don’t need to settle for Humphrey. You can find a Harry, I can find a Harry. Two can play that game. Watch me.
And that’s when I met him: Alexandre, a gallant young gentleman from Paris. He spoke no English, but that was fine by me. We carried on extensive conversations in French as we promenaded up and down the beach, covered in glow-in-the-dark neon face paint.
Mid-stroll, Alexandre stopped and looked down at me, the full moon looming overhead. “I want you to meet my friends,” he said softly in his flawless French, the language of love. He took my hand and led me to them. I couldn’t wait to meet my new family.
We approached a crowd of shirtless men and nearly shirtless ladies, jumping and dancing and percolating about in a sweaty daze. Alexandre pointed in front of us, “There, there they are. I’d like you to be very nice to them.”
I peered toward where he was pointing, wondering what my new gang would look like. Take that, Chloe, I mentally spat at her. But then I couldn’t really find who my new friends were.
“Where are they?” I asked Alexandre, and he jabbed the air with this finger. “There!”
I looked closely and spotted a fat Thai woman in a dirty tank top and a skinny Thai man who had undoubtedly had more than just a bucket. “There!” Alexandre said again, cheerfully, proud to introduce his buddies. “She gives massages on the street, and he sells things on the beach. They can give you great price.”
I smiled excitedly and walked slowly backwards. “I, uh….I’m just gonna…”
Then I ran away.
How was your night, Chlo?